Hii you,
I wanted to talk a little bit about life after graduation/education and whatever else I chose to ramble on about here, but I basically want to shed a bit of truth and light on what can be a weird time... something that I wasn't prepared for and something nobody seemed to talk about just before we left uni.
I graduated FOUR years ago, in lots of ways it feels like it was a couple of months ago but at the same time it feels like it's been about 15 years but either way you shouldn't compare your timescales to anybody else's. I recently read a wonderful thing that Holly Tucker posted (see here) about everybody working to their own time zone and it's SO true. I had no idea what was going to happen after uni and certainly couldn't have prepared myself for everything that has happened, sometimes these things are spoken about as if they did, just that, they just happened... but it gives such a distorted view on the whole thing and it's not surprising people are left questioning why or how have they got to (x) and why haven't I?! The truth is, even with me... no matter how much I try to show and talk about the 'real' side of setting up and running your own business, you're never going to actually get a totally transparent and exact understanding of everything. Instagram and the likes makes it very easy to compare, as we know! But it also makes it very easy to judge and come up with our own idea of how a person got to a certain place or position... you can never stop people doing this but you can continue to be true to yourself and stay in your own lane kicking butts all over the place to make those dreams a reality.
I recently spoke on my instagram about a funny (I can laugh about it now) little story that I was reminded of when a guy I went to uni with messaged me on instagram, he now lives in Sydney but when he was back in the UK recently he bought one of my greeting cards for his Grandma and in his message he said "I still remember the day the tutors gave you shit feedback for your beautiful illustrations for the travel book brief at uni - and just look at you now!"... I didn't know anybody else had recognised it at the time apart from one of my best friends but I will never forget doing this brief at uni, in 2nd year I think, we had to design our own 'travel journals' and it was like the dream brief for me so I spent ages scrapbooking, researching, doodling, scanning stuff in, handwriting everything and making them into a series of little interactive travel books... only for one of the tutors (I won't name names, I think they meant well!) to slate it in front of the whole year group. I'll never forget how that felt. Anyway... me and my silly little scribbles got a book deal with Penguin Random House a few years later as well as all the other mental stuff that has happened since. When you get knocked back, even humiliated as difficult as it can be sometimes you must get back up and carry on... quietly but OH so determined. You'll get there. Promise.
I have never spoken about this story before apart from to my boyfriend and parents at the time when it really got to me, along with many other moments... We were asked to design some Penguin book covers for a new series of Wind In The Willows stories (again, dream brief) and again was pulled up in front of the whole year for handwriting the title... no idea why but anyway. I guess I've never thought to talk about these because I didn't think they'd changed anything but I'm sure deep down they did, I'm sure they made me stronger, more determined and able to handle rejection/receive criticism better... trust me you need a bit of all of this if you're wanting to work in any kind of creative industry. I don't hold any of this against said tutor, like I say I'm sure it actually helped me more than anything and they do like to test you to make sure you're not going to crumble in the 'real world' but I do think it's important to talk about these moments more...
Yes people have really disliked my work. No I haven't got every job I wanted. Yes I have been knocked back MANY many times. Yes I did do loads of freelance work after graduating which I never showed anybody I just had to do it so I had a few pennines. Yes I've made mistakes. Yes I've cried when I've been told my work isn't working. No things haven't gone smoothly. Yes I have ignored phone calls because I've been too scared to answer. Yes I emailed a million different people after graduating. Yes I did commissioned work for every friend/family/stranger I could in the meantime. Yes I knocked on many shop doors and asked if they'd like to stock my greeting cards. No they didn't all want to sell them (shock). Yes only about 4 shops wanted to sell them. No I didn't let that stop me. Yes I contacted Paperchase directly. Yes I stayed up until 6am every night designing more cards and products. Yes I spent every bit of money I had on printing new cards and products. No I didn't know if people were going to buy them. Yes I did craft stalls in the freezing cold. No I didn't get a first in my degree. Yes I got 1 point something mark off a first. No I've never got over that. No I had no idea how to set up my own business. Yes I went to some awful 'business workshops' in my local town. Yes I got rejected by people/companies. Yes somebody eventually read and replied to my email. YES they 'got it'. Yes they wanted to meet me. Yes I freaked out. No I didn't believe it. Yes I worked harder than ever before. No I didn't go out or socialise much. No I probably didn't sleep enough. No I definitely didn't go on holiday. Yes I was battling my own problems at home. Yes my work often helped me. Yes it was sometimes very difficult to put on a smile at a meeting or phone call. Yes I shared all the good bits on social media. No I didn't tell even some of my closest friends how I was feeling. No even my boyfriend didn't see some of the upset and meltdowns. Yes I kept drawing, scribbling and writing. Yes I set up my own business aged 22. No I still have no idea what I'm doing. Yes I still have meltdowns. Yes I worry and panic. No the feedback and responses aren't always positive. Yes I still let them bother me at times. No I haven't been lucky. Yes I have felt lucky but oh my I have worked bloody hard for it.
This is for anybody freaking out that they don't know what they're doing after graduation, or just generally in life... please don't worry. None of us do.
It's absolutely okay to not be entirely sure what you want to do or what you want to 'be' even though we're expected, from a very young age to be able to answer that question. It's okay and absolutely necessary (in my humble opinion) to do or be lots of different things and find what works for you. It's okay to do something which is in no way related to the degree you studied or have graduated in. Things change in our lives and that's the whole point of growing and learning. Your time at Univeristy will never be wasted because it gives you so much more than a piece of paper with a grade on.
My whole world was flipped upside down right after I graduated, my Mum left my Dad suddenly after being together for nearly 30 years. It's a weird time anyway but it was made so much more difficult. Being at home was hard, getting out of bed and to job interviews was almost impossible, emails were easier. Whilst going to business workshops and business meetings at my bank and other boring/important stuff I'd never considered I focussed on the stuff that made me happy above anything else, I wrote words of comfort to myself and others, I enjoyed writing again, I scribbled illustrations and enjoyed drawing again (education can almost make you forget the good stuff and why you chose that course or passion sometimes... so I went back to basics, quite literally). It's mad that I can do all of this for a living, it just keeps growing and growing and I can't quite keep up some days. What has happened, especially over the past 12 months has blown my tiny mind in all the best possible ways, I can't believe I got a book deal with penguin, or my cards in Paperchase and Clintons or my products in John Lewis. Dreams actually do come true... but it takes a lot work.
Being a freelance (this is what I called myself for the few years after graduating) is terrifying and magic in equal measure. There has been the highest highs and the lowest lows but they have shaped me and what I have created for the better I think. The past 4 years have felt like the unknown the majority of the time, like nothing's definitive and a bit of a waiting game... only recently have I been able to have even a tiny idea of what my career/future may look like but I'm so flippin' proud that I've been able to create that and shape it to what it is now and what it's going to become.
Keep smiling and dreaming,
Emily x
