I try and talk about this stuff quite reguarly through some of my bits of design work... 'be you not them', 'I will not compare myself to a stranger on instagram' being two of my most shared pieces of work to date. I've gained a few followers recently, you see... for various different reasons and although that could be seen as daunting and off-putting at times, I don't feel the pressure to conform or to change me and I think it's super important that I keep talking about the stuff that affects us... every single one of us.
The majority of my following is female, 92% to be exact! So if I can share just a tiny bit of 'reality' to just a few of these people then I'll keep going on about it for as long as I can. I would want younger me (if growing up in this weird world) to have that person and the same for my little cousins or my new tiny niece... Being different is a good thing, being you is an even better thing. This is something that I'm grateful my Mum ingrained in me from a young age.
With Love Island starting last night in the UK (if you don't know, it's a reality TV show where people go to find love... basically that's what it's supposed to be in a nutshell) as well as the constant social media conversation and battle we all seem to have with ourselves and others I thought this would be a good time to remind you that what you see on Love Island (or any TV/film/magazine for that matter) and most of what you see on Instagram is quite simply, not real.
The same goes for men... I think, the fact that us girls are feeling the pressure in this world must mean that it's having an affect on the males in the world too. Are they seeing the same filtered crap we're seeing and expecting to find that in real life, do they compare themselves to other males online like us females do and feel the pressure from the media to have a super toned body?! I'm going to ask all of these questions to some of my best male pals and report back!
There's a huge difference between having standards and having unrealistic expectations.
I can't emphasise that enough and it's becoming a huge problem, especially in young girls growing up in this world thinking that the likes of *insert unrealistic, filtered celebrity here* are "hashtag goals".
If you follow me on instagram you'll know that these days I'm constantly on my instagram story with no make-up on, hair hasn't been washed for four days and I've been wearing the same jumper for a whole week... So therefore, the photo above might not seem like much to most people, but I would never normally post a photo of this side of my face (I never normally take selfies to be fair, I don't know how people do it). I have three moles on this side of my face which I used to hate when I was younger (also the word 'mole' is hideous isn't it?) but I quickly realised nobody else was bothered by them so why should I be? I still think the one between my nose/mouth is ugly at times but we all have those moments and you can't really see it when I smile big enough which is a bonus.
The second thing on this side of my face is a (sort of) birthmark... I say sort of because my Mum and Dad seem to think it wasn't there when I was born and when I was little my Dad used to say it's where he kissed me when I was tiny... So I thought it was a bit of a superpower for quite some time haha. You can almost always see it, even through make up... I don't wear much make up and I used to try and cover it up but it never worked so I just don't bother anymore. Whereas nobody (as far as I can remember) has ever commented on my moles, LOADS of people comment on this little mark... from people I've known for years who somehow have never noticed it to random strangers who have tried to wipe it off thinking it's lipstick?! (note to everyone... don't do that, there's only so many times I can laugh at that haha). So, yeah... That might not seem like much of a big deal to anyone else and it's not something that bothers me too much or I focus on but it's just one of those things, it makes me... me and actually... that's quite magic.
We're all different, we all have imperfections... embrace that shit. Slightly pimply skin n' all...
I don't think I saw a single stretch mark or pimple on Love Island last night, maybe they had just hidden them really well because I don't know of any women in my life who don't have stretch marks, pimples or cellulite of some sort. Again, when I was a teenager I decided I need to try every cream and oil going to get rid of them, none of them worked and after a little while I realised there was more important things I could probably focus on.
I was a dancer for 13 years growing up, ballet/tap... and all that jazz... and when I look back at photos of me aged 16 I did NOT realise how incredible my legs looked and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want my legs to still look like that now... BUT, I was dancing two, sometimes three times a week... I didn't have a business to run or much of a life to keep on top up, I basically had no worries apart from school/college work which was the reason I ended up having to stop... I had to decide whether I was seriously going to become a professional dancer (can you imagine?!) or whether I was more likely to go down the art/design/photography/writing side of things which I was studying at college at the time.
Our bodies grow and change shape, my weight has stayed prettyyyyy even so far throughout my life but after I finished dancing (aged 18) I suddenly got hips and a bum and boobs and hey-presto... stretchies! (I like to give them a nickname, it makes them less scary). But seriously, please remember that your body is a reflection of you and your life, I'd rather have a little bit of a roly tummy but be able to eat biscuits whenever I fancy or get a take-away after a tough week. Everyone has a different story, you may have lost weight you may have gained weight, you may have had a baby or you might have had to have an operation... all of these things make us who we are and we should never try to hide them and definitely shouldn't be ashamed of them.
You are incredible just as you are. Don't let any instagram feed or TV show tell you any different.
Yes you can put filters on your photos, yes you can watch Love Island or whatever trashy TV you want to watch... Literally do whatever the hell you want but just everything in moderation. Notice the effect it has on you, if it's negative for whatever reason, unfollow the person, take a break from social media, turn the TV over or just do something that makes you happy... "Comparison is the thief of joy" and it couldn't be any more relevant to the world we're living in.
side note: I just want to add, I'm SURE the people on Love Island and wherever else have worked super hard to get their bodies looking like that... not always, sometimes it is filters and editing and even surgery but I'm not taking away from any effort they've clearly put in to looking that way ... It's just clearly not a reflection of what *most* people look like.